The ‘Queen’s Speech’ uncut; anti-austerity dispossessed target London

It was reported that smoke bombs, bottles, cans and even a bicycle were hurled at police officers during this afternoon's disturbances

As the anti-austerity dispossessed prepare to converge on Downing Street on May 27th (and blockade the City of London on June 20th) in what will, undoubtedly, be the first of many protests and demonstrations over coming weeks, months and years, we publish an uncut ‘version’ of the 2015 Queen’s Speech that provides a glimpse of the true intent of the Tory Government.

My lords and members of the House of Commons.

My government’s legislative programme will continue to focus on building a stronger economy so that the wealthy in the United Kingdom can prosper even more and the poor can remain as impoverished as ever. To this end it will work to promote a more unjust and socially unequal society that rewards the money-grabbers, fraudsters, multi-nationals and, of course, the bankers.

My government’s first priority is to make swingeing cuts to the benefits system. It will slash every benefit possible, including those received by the disabled and by single parents. My government is committed to ending housing benefits and working tax credits within the current parliamentary session. Child benefit will only be available for families with no more than two children. The so-called bedroom tax will remain.

My ministers will continue to prioritise the creation of jobs offering zero-hours contracts and the minimum wage, as well as unpaid or low-paid internships and other schemes in which employers can increase their profits.

My government will continue to rid the country of all social housing so that people can learn to stand on their own two feet and not accept subsidised living.

My government will significantly increase the NHS privatisation programme, with the objective of near or full privatisation by the end of the decade.

My government will increase tertiary tuition fees incrementally, until all subsidies are removed.

My government is committed to abolishing as many human rights as possible and will replace the Human Rights Act with a much watered-down version – a British Bill of Rights – that has no legal bearing in the ECHR.

My government will continue to lock people up for petty offences, even if this means that the prison population will triple.

A Scotland bill will be introduced to grant every demand made by the SNP, bar independence or the removal of Trident, so that the Scottish nationalists can retain power and ensure the Labour Party will never form a government in my Kingdom again.

Measures will be brought forward to introduce a Communications Data Bill that will enable the security and intelligence services, as well as the police, to increase their blanket surveillance regime, including the retention of records of all phone calls, emails, webmail, voip, social media and other data.

My government will introduce a counter-terrorism bill to ban those who may incite public disquiet or threaten the Conservative Party’s definition of democracy. Measures will make it obligatory for media channels to seek approval of content by the security services prior to broadcast or going to print. It will also be obligatory for named organisations and individuals to seek permission from the police to publish any item on the internet, including social media, or in print.

My lords and members of the House of Commons.

Members of the House of Commons, estimates for the public services will be laid before you.

A bill will also be introduced to re-colonise Australia, once private discussions on the necessary arrangements have concluded with that toady Mr Abbott, the Australian prime minister who laughably granted a knighthood to my husband.

A bill to make voting compulsory for all elections in the United Kingdom will be introduced: this will be particularly useful for putting a stop to Mr Russell Brand and his juvenile antics.

Legislation will be introduced to make it a criminal offence to satirise myself or any other member of my immediate family and anyone found guilty of doing so will be dispatched to the Tower.

Other measures will be laid before you.

My lords and members of the House of Commons, I pray that the blessing of almighty God may rest upon your counsels.

HRH The Queen.

(Note: while the above speech is, of course, satire, certain sections of it are undoubtedly an accurate reflection of what the Government is planning.)

A photo published on campaignbeard


This entry was posted in Economy, Government, Resistance, Satire, Surveillance and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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